February 5th 2018, Life Coaching With T hosted an event Changing 1 Person At A Time.  

Abuse, is such an integrated part of society.  It is one of those aspects of society which need to be eradicated - will we succeed?  We most definitely can, but it starts with you and me and how we react, respond and how we inform others.

Abuse is widely recognised but also very much a taboo subject at the same time.  Why would this be the case?  It is easy to box it up into saying that abuse is generally looked at as being domestic violence and portrayed as that of let us say the lower income bracket home.  Even though it is more prevalent in your poorer communities in the form of physical abuse, it is definitely not only to be found there as it is across the board.

It is not only the physical violence that is meted out which constitutes abuse (although this is the most spoken or addressed), there is the darker side of abuse.  The emotional and psychological abuse too, this part is of course not visible to the naked eye.  This form of abuse is also difficult to detect at first by the victim as well as others surrounding the victim (apart from the abuser of course).  And by the time the victim of this form of abuse realises what is happening, major damage has already been done.

We are all informed or reasonably informed with regards to bullying, be that in our schooling system or just a general knowledge.  If you are not aware, let me state categorically that bullies ARE abusers, and that each and everyone of us is capable and able to be a bully.  Therefore, each one of us is choosing whether we will be an abuser.  The choice lies in our hands.  Personally I have reached a point of being sick and tired of hearing abusers using excuses such as ''I know no different/that is how I grew up/I was using drugs or alcohol'' - it is tiring to hear these excuses.  One would expect that if an abuser knows that for instance alcohol is the cause or trigger to becoming abusive - they would have the sense to avoid the trigger.  If they continue using alcohol knowing full well the consequences, there can no longer be an excuse.  The problem as I see it is, few will admit to mistakes and is therefore so much easier to take the route of an excuse - it is acceptable to have an excuse for behaviour.  Or so we have been taught.

Now let me take this a bit further and say that an abuser or bully is a fear riddled being - not all are worthy of being called human though.  I can also pre-empt the thought process whilst you are reading this - how can a bully/abuser be riddled with fear?

The fact of the matter is that it is quite easy actually.  When I say they are come from a fear based point, it is not to enable you to feel sorry for them.  It is only for you to understand in the most simplistic manner how they operate or why they are doing what they are.  Again I reiterate there is NO room for you to feel sorry for them.  They will feed off your pity/sympathy and YOUR fear.  And will without a shadow of a doubt be used as a weapon against you.

Would you not agree that abuse stems from a bully?  And what is it that this bully/abuser is looking for in the form of reaction?


The bully/abuser craves recognition, needs to feel like he/she is THE person, the number 1, the big man/woman.

It is so important that we understand, there is NO living breathing being that would ask to be abused - not human or animal.

Personally I have a motto by which I live:
If you are unable to respect the smallest of creation, you will be unable to respect anything and this includes yourself.

Perhaps this is something which few have thought about, but it is in my estimation vitally important to bring to your attention.  There are many people fighting against animal abuse (thankfully) however, the fact of the matter is that this abuse will NOT be brought under ''control'' unless human abuse is eradicated.  The reason is quite simple in my way of thinking.  As humans perceive themselves to be the most intelligent of creation, and perceive themselves to have the dominion over ''lower or lessor'' creatures all acts against them are acceptable.  Now if the human is accepting (due to excuses) of abuse, there will be no inroads in any other forms of abuse.

Each person that is against abuse, needs to be an advocate.  We need to light the way forward, giving people hope and also bringing to justice (legally of course) those who think they are above the law when it comes to abusive behaviour of any form.

At this event, there were amazing speakers, and each one of us hopes that we will be able to host another one of these seminars, in the not too distant future.

~Life Coach With T~